I have been going through my old MySpace blogs and found some that I really liked. Sort of like my mid-twenties diary. Here's one I wrote shortly after Trevor and I started dating. I remember very vividly writing it...
I got an call from an old boyfriend the other day and he asked me if I was "in" a relationship right now and if I was "in" love. Don't you think it's kind of funny that we use the term "in" when talking about love? For any of us to be "in" something implies that it's bigger than ourselves--unless we're in a Lycra bodysuit, I suppose love can be that constricting sometimes. We even say that we have fallen "out" of love with people when it's over. So I started thinking of things you can be "in":
You can be in…
Despair
Denial
Charge
Awe
Trouble
Agreement
Need
Control
Pain
Love
Are all of these things as big as love when we're "in" them? And do we "fall" into these things like we "fall" in or out of love? To me, in order to say that I am "in" something, I need to come to the hard realization that it is bigger than myself and that as in charge as I want to be, there is usually little to no control. The fact is, we can't control our feelings, only our actions, but the tricky part is that our feelings usually dictate our actions.
So am I "in" something right now-yes. What I'm in feels like your favorite sweater that you take out of the closet around the end of October. It's the right combination of roomy and snug. You feel that you have some breathing room, but in just the right places you feel warm and tucked in. If the sweater is too big you just don't feel the same kind of warmth and if it's too snug you become like that kid on a Christmas Story who can't move his arms. Yes, roomy and snug are things I like to be in. So to answer his question--yes and yes. Funny, it's getting to be around the end of October now...sweater season.
I got an call from an old boyfriend the other day and he asked me if I was "in" a relationship right now and if I was "in" love. Don't you think it's kind of funny that we use the term "in" when talking about love? For any of us to be "in" something implies that it's bigger than ourselves--unless we're in a Lycra bodysuit, I suppose love can be that constricting sometimes. We even say that we have fallen "out" of love with people when it's over. So I started thinking of things you can be "in":
You can be in…
Despair
Denial
Charge
Awe
Trouble
Agreement
Need
Control
Pain
Love
Are all of these things as big as love when we're "in" them? And do we "fall" into these things like we "fall" in or out of love? To me, in order to say that I am "in" something, I need to come to the hard realization that it is bigger than myself and that as in charge as I want to be, there is usually little to no control. The fact is, we can't control our feelings, only our actions, but the tricky part is that our feelings usually dictate our actions.
So am I "in" something right now-yes. What I'm in feels like your favorite sweater that you take out of the closet around the end of October. It's the right combination of roomy and snug. You feel that you have some breathing room, but in just the right places you feel warm and tucked in. If the sweater is too big you just don't feel the same kind of warmth and if it's too snug you become like that kid on a Christmas Story who can't move his arms. Yes, roomy and snug are things I like to be in. So to answer his question--yes and yes. Funny, it's getting to be around the end of October now...sweater season.
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